Hello ladies. How are you today? Woke up feeling good? Good. Nice to hear.
Okay… lets get right to it.
You have us guys figured out all wrong, don’t get me wrong… you understand us and know everything there is about us but not just quite right. So, I’m going to compile a list, not just on my opinions but a gathered consensus of many other men I’ve talked to. Lets begin… shall we?
1 – Yes, we do think about sex a lot. But we’re hardwired to. Doesn’t mean we’d go sleep with other women, we’re just horny. Heck, we’re thinking about you when we fantasize! Sure, Angelina Jolie’s a total MILF or Scarlett Johansson has awesome supple breasts or how those Female Olympic Gymnasts get our minds spinning… but come on cut us some slack, we love you. Hey, if its any leverage we all have crushes on Johnny Depp just like you do! Doesn’t mean we’d have sex with him….
2 – In contrary to what you think, we actually listen to you. Yes, you’ve had a bad day at work, you’re menstruating, your heel broke or your girlfriend bought that dress you’ve been eyeing. We’re totally listening to you. Sometimes you think we’re not because you throw us REALLY hard questions. It’s like being on trial and giving testimony. We don’t know how to respond to you, and the fact we’re scared of giving the wrong response means we care! So that blank stare you get after ranting… it doesn’t say “What was she saying- That piece of tin foil in the corner totally had my attention” it says “Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. What do I say.” We’re not all psychiatrists, most of the time we won’t know what to say or how to say it, but we’re there for you. That piece of tin foil is totally reflecting the sun though…
3 – Going back to sex. We’re always ready for it. Just putting it out there.
4 – Sports. Our main vice. No we don’t love it more than you. But we’re not ignoring you, we’re just totally into it. Think of it as you and your girlfriends sitting around watching your weekly soap or some really intense tear jerker. It’s the same thing, just testosterone fueled. Join in with us. What’s better than that? Two of our favorite things in the world at once… your woman and your favorite team playing on TV.
5 – Habits. We have bad habits yes we know. Its hard to change. But if you really look at us now and compare us to when you first started dating us, we’ve changed a lot. And you have a lot to do with that. Now thats what I call love. That and sex with you is awesome.
6 – We don’t want to argue. We can sit down and talk. Be patient with us. We’re a bit lagged behind in terms of evolution. Give us the benefit of the doubt.
7 – We like comforting you and babying you. Seriously. Not just because it might lead to sex.
8 – We care about your friends and family. Honest to God. We don’t want to make you look bad. Think of us as that lame puppy you got off the streets. Smile on us when we do stupid things, we don’t mean any harm.
9 – We’re forgetful. Not because we don’t deem it important enough to remember. We’re juggling a lot of things mentally. Now factor in the DNA-encoded trait of constantly thinking about sex… lets see you girls try that.
10 – Last but not least. We love you. We really do. We wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world. Not even for 17 minutes with Scarlett Johansson and her supple breasts.
– Ant
Master of the $12 coif, Igor’s is run by…Igor, a veteran Neighborhood Barber stylist and former Soviet anti-aircraft gunner who from ‘89-’91 protected Moscow from the Blackhawk, and its bourgeois payload, the Fauxhawk. Now commissar of his own East Village shop, Igor’s unleashing a sweet summer deal: a $12 job in any style, plus free, ice-cold PBRs from his cooler, on the first three Saturdays of the month — but not the 4th, because 25% of the time, Igor’s Jewish all the time. If he deems your liver up to Russian standards, he’ll also treat you to gratis frozen vodka, guaranteeing that you arrive handsome and jolly at your post-cut picnic, or handsome and willing to watch Stargate Atlantis on your post-cut sofa.
